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My problems with Genius

01/07/2003, santiago blaum, buenos aires
  When I was a little boy I wanted to be a great musician, lets say..like Mozart.

And I spent hours and hours in front of the piano (in front of the mirror, as well) trying to BE Mozart,trying to figure out how he would feel if he was me, and if he would remember anything , in that case, that would bring him back to be -to make me be- Mozart (and -oh, yes- eventually i spent some time playing the piano...)
That was when i was eight, but later when i eventually was nine, ten and eleven years old I´d say to myself: Shit, i havent composed any marvilous sonatas, nor variations, nor even the slightest cannon! And, by the age of twelve, I was aware of my absolut failure:obviously, time wasn´t on my side, as it was on little Mozart son of a bitch´s. How would I manage to put together a full opera then?
So, for the next ten years or so, I would be bussy trying to develop other ways of genius, more accurate to my, lets say, biographical abilitys. I wanted to accept my real genius, the one i never doubted i owned, as anyone would accept he cant afford a better pair of shoes, or
that the image that the mirror gives him back is the only one for him and, for that reason,the best. Not bad at all.
Nor, yet, any good.
My genius is a very dumb genius, he thinks a bit too slowly and wont probably be able to write a full opera until the age of ninety four (with God´s will). Yet, he is ferociusly good at changing famous song´s lyrics into dirty words. And also he needs to be very cousy in the winter, and loves the beachs and the sun.

comments [2]


can i hear/ read one of your changed songs? - 01/07/2003, niels bormann, berlin
I know this standing in front of the mirror business very well as well - my childs dream was (among others) to be German nobility, that is a "von" in my name>> Niels von Bormann'##, that is so ridiculous. To become German nobility I had to marry a comtesse and take her name...so one of my secret hobbies was to look through the telefone book for nice German nobility names ( there was one every four pages!)...von Hardenberg, von Feldmann, von Winter etc. When I come across the names now I still notice them and think: what a nice name. I think I gave this desire up when I was around eleven ( I hope!!) Maybe it still lives in me because I have become an actor trying to make my name living nobility!!!! what an unthankful enterprise.

generational, maybe. - 01/07/2003, lucyentransito@hotmail.com
you make me think of me. some odd freaky tie takes me over every now and then and makes me have tremendous thoughts about my ""continuos failure"".
free sample: on my 21st birthday i stayed depressed for a month because i had realized that i had absolutely lost my chance of being a classical dancer or an astronaut. the notorious thing is that i never really wanted to be one or the other.


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