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  (no)work depression
Not a Star

12/07/2003, tatiana saphir, buenos aires
  About me and a film... a special one. About the death of the distribution of the film and my depression.

I wanted to write about it for a while. Then I choose other topics and got lost into this particular Matrix.
I played in an independient argentinean film called "Tan de repente", directed by Diego Lerman.
It was released in France in February.
It was released in Germnay while I was there.
It's now in Holland. Next month will be released in USA (I don't know if it'll be in Richmond, I keep asking the distributor about this and no answer till now).
It's a very special black and white film.
The Buenos Aires release was in June, and I came back from my working trip two days after. That means I missed the premiere. And I was sad.
Then chance made a lot of films be released during these weeks, so now the film is sort of dying. And I feel a little bit sad, like following it.
I saw the posters in the streets for one week and then that was over. It's kind of strange for me too that all that happened. Of course it's similar to the end of a play, the end of a season, the end of a relationship. But this has also to do with job and continuity.
It's my very first film and made it in a very domestic way, besides it's very professional and won a lot of awards on international Festivals.
It's just the feeling struggle-strange that I'm not a "star" and many people treats me like a freaky one.
Anyway I do think that every actor likes, wants, needs to feel that gets closer to be one.
For me, it's part of the acting. I play the "star" sometimes to encourage (?) myself. Also I like dresssing up and puting myself in different looks in real life. It's part of a game. Life might be a whole game.
Still this article was about depression. Because I feel down today. It's sunny and cold, my favorite combination, but I don't feel in the mood to be outside.
I ask to my destiny if I ever will play for cinema again. If we will ever have a continuity on our small cinema industry here. If I will have more acting jobs.
To contradict this article I thought about "glueing" some photos of my(no)book of "acress pictures". And I'll try... becuse in a way I expect comments.

comments [2]


brittle star - 12/07/2003, lucyentransito@hotmail.com
you are a star. in many ways.

Eat Frozen Red Seedless Grapes. - 12/07/2003, isaac regelson, richmond
I could see the sadness in your story. I'm very nostalgic. I mourn a lot of things in my life and cherish pieces of memory.
I guess you are in the throws of Winter there, as we are in the throws of our hot-humid summers. None-the-less, try freezing some red seedless grapes and eating them (they are actually best when they are just partially frozen, but good and refreshing even when completely frozen). I have become obsessed with them since my sister introduced me to this very obvious concept a short time ago. This may not cheer you up, but I was looking for any excuse to write about it on the website.
Would it cheer you up to have me wipe out hundreds of people in Argentina as I have done in a few of the other countries? Plague, volcano? How about a tidal wave, perhaps there is some pretentious beach with a First Families of Argentina elitist group I could drown?


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